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| I didnt even hallucinate |
I tried different things, I tried busing tables in England, I worked concierge at a hotel in India, I even bar tended in Spain. I would always try and make a new image of myself wherever in went. Trying to change the parts of me I did not like. I had a particularly interesting time at a bar in Madrid. I would just pretend to be the most mysterious and interesting person I could imagine.
I would just travel around, changing myself, trying to find the right combination. I still haven't. Which I think is why I'm still traveling. Is there a perfect combination out there? I am ask that a lot.
When you pretend to be something you are not, you can learn a lot about yourself. When you put fake thoughts or words into your own mind, you begin to see where the real comes from subconsciously. You begin to recognize your actual motives and eventually, you make peace with that.
I do not pretend anymore. I did not find the perfect combination and I do not think I will. Honestly, humans are not perfect, I doubt we are supposed to know the perfect way to be.
